Life's wonders
by elevatorboy4127
Summary: Some short fics about Calvin and Hobbes, read and tell me what you think!
1. The meaning of life

I decided to make this because I think Bill Watterson is just so funny, how he thought of a six-year-old miscreant Calvin and his best friend tiger Hobbes.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own neither did I create Calvin or Hobbes  
  
Calvin & Hobbes:  
  
As Calvin and his stuffed animal Hobbes were walking in the grass on a Saturday morning, Calvin turned to Hobbes and decided to ask him something.  
  
Calvin: Hobbes do you ever wonder what is the meaning of life?  
  
Hobbes: No  
  
Calvin: But don't you ever think why we're here?  
  
Hobbes: To eat food?  
  
Calvin: No, I mean why am I moving right now, what is making me able to do this?  
  
Hobbes: I dunno.  
  
Calvin: But there must be a reason why we were put on earth.  
  
Hobbes: To live?  
  
Calvin: No. Maybe god wants me to be bad. Maybe my consciousness telling me to be bad must mean I have to be bad.  
  
Hobbes: You just stepped in dog doo.  
  
Calvin: Yes, god planned that, and now I know what my conscience is telling me to do.  
  
Hobbes: You do?  
  
Calvin: Yep.  
  
Calvin wipes his shoe on Hobbes.  
  
Hobbes: Why you little!  
  
The started fighting.  
  
Calvin: Geroff me you orange bellied hair brain.  
  
Hobbes: Not until you die you spikey haired human.  
  
After insulting each other and rolling around Hobbes eventually wins.  
  
Hobbes: Wow, this conscience thing is really starting to make sense. 


	2. School, homework, reports and exams

Calvin was in his room on a Sunday evening with Hobbes feeling sad, knowing he had school tomorrow.  
  
Calvin: Why do we have to go to school Hobbes? It's so boring!  
  
Hobbes: Because you're dumb.  
  
Calvin: All we do is sit in a class while the teacher blabs on about useless information.  
  
Hobbes: That's life for a human.  
  
Calvin: Well it's bad enough we have to sit in the same class all day, with hardly any time for Recess, but we have to do work.  
  
Hobbes: So do Tigers, I'm not complaining.  
  
Calvin: Yeah, but the teacher should pay me! I'm doing all the work!  
  
Hobbes: Interesting theory!  
  
Calvin: And if that's not enough, we have to do homework, revise for tests and exams and get school reports.  
  
Hobbes: You got question number three wrong.  
  
Calvin: Shut up!  
  
Hobbes: No you shut up.  
  
Calvin: Hey, if I weren't so mad about the guy who invented school reports, homework and exams you'd be on the floor crying.  
  
Hobbes: Tigers never cry.  
  
Calvin: Well you're about to. Aaaaaaaaaaaaagggghhhh!  
  
He charged at Hobbes and they started wrestling.  
  
Mum: Calvin, stop making all that noise and get to bed, now!  
  
Calvin quickly switched the light off and jumped into bed with Hobbes.  
  
Hobbes: Aren't you going to finish you're homework?  
  
Calvin: Nah, I'll just tell Ms Wormwood I killed the guy who invented homework.  
  
Hobbes: Are you sure that will work?  
  
Calvin: It has to. Besides, why wouldn't it?  
  
Hobbes: Well being a teacher, she's probably not so dumb.  
  
Calvin: You'd be surprised. 


	3. The Basement

Calvin's mum has just told Calvin to go down to the basement to get the washing up liquid. Calvin walks towards his dad.  
  
Calvin: Dad Mum wants you to get the washing up liquid from the basement.  
  
Dad: Nice try Calvin. Go get it yourself; there are no monsters down there.  
  
Calvin: Oh so that's your game is it? Is this your best attempt to get rid of me, by making me go down to the basement and get eaten by the monsters? Well its not going to work on me.  
  
Dad: Calvin just do what your mother tells you.  
  
Mum: (shouting) Calvin, I'm waiting.  
  
Calvin:(shouting) Sorry mum, I already figured out your plan to get rid of me and it isn't working.  
  
Mum: What's that?  
  
Calvin: Never mind.  
  
Calvin turns to Hobbes.  
  
Calvin: hey Hobbes, did you here that? Mum wants you to get the washing up liquid from the basement.  
  
Hobbes: No, she asked you. I'm not going to get eaten.  
  
Calvin: Fine we'll go together then.  
  
Hobbes: Sure, I heard they don't like tigers.  
  
They walk over to the basement door.  
  
Calvin: You first.  
  
Hobbes: No no no, Ladies first. Calvin: What's that?  
  
Hobbes: Nothing.  
  
Calvin: Oh, well hurry up then.  
  
Hobbes: You have to go first.  
  
Calvin: No really, garlicbreaths first.  
  
Hobbes: Actually nincompoops first.  
  
Calvin: Who are you calling nincompoop, nincompoop?  
  
They fight and as they roll over, they slide pass the door and roll down the steps. (There are only five steps so no serious injuries.) They knock over the washing up liquid but because it's close none spills out.  
  
Calvin: I've got the stuff, lets get outta here.  
  
Calvin raced up the stairs and gave it to his mum.  
  
Mum: There. No monsters ate you did they?  
  
Calvin: Yeah, we got lucky. 


	4. Homework

Calvin was playing with his cars while Hobbes was reading a comic. He had homework that had to be done for tomorrow.  
  
Calvin: I hate Wednesdays.  
  
Hobbes: Why is that?  
  
Calvin: Well I mean, I've already had two tiring days of school and I still have the rest of the day and two more days to go.  
  
Hobbes: Yeah, and the fridge is usually empty as well.  
  
Calvin: I also get homework today, and Ms Wormwood expects me to finish it for tomorrow!  
  
Hobbes: You know, you're mum should start shopping on Tuesdays from now on.  
  
Calvin: How am I supposed to finish all this homework in one day?  
  
Hobbes: What do you have to do?  
  
Calvin: Answer these two Maths problems.  
  
Hobbes: That's it?  
  
Calvin: Well it takes time you know!  
  
Hobbes: Oh, well what's the first question?  
  
Calvin: What's four plus four.  
  
Hobbes: That's easy; when you put four and four next to each other you get fourty four.  
  
Calvin: Thanks, now I know the answer.  
  
Hobbes: Aren't you going to write it down?  
  
Calvin: What? Do you expect me to write it down now? I only go to bed in two hours!  
  
Hobbes: But if you write it down now you'll get it over and done with.  
  
Calvin: I'd rather write it down in the last minute panic.  
  
Hobbes: Oh, all right. What's the next question?  
  
Calvin: You read it it's too long.  
  
Hobbes: If a train moves at 50mph carrying 100 tons of ice cream, which melt at 2.5 litres an hour over a distance of 15km, how much time, does the train have until all the ice cream melts?  
  
Calvin: Simple isn't it?  
  
Hobbes: Piece of cake, speaking of which I think I saw one in your fridge downstairs.  
  
Calvin: O.K, seeing as you know both answers, you write them down while I finish killing M.r Johnson with the T-Rex.  
  
Hobbes: Nah.  
  
Calvin: What if I get you the cake?  
  
Hobbes: Deal.  
  
Calvin goes downstairs to get the cake.  
  
Hobbes: Let's see, fourty four and Ihavenotgotaclue.  
  
Calvin arrives with half a piece of cake.  
  
Calvin: Here you go  
  
Hobbes: Where's the other half?  
  
Calvin: I dunno.  
  
Hobbes: Oh well.  
  
Hobbes rips of his answer to the second question.  
  
Calvin: Hey where did the second answer go?  
  
Hobbes: I dunno.  
  
Calvin: Fair enough. 


	5. Daily Work

Calvin's parents have just told him to clean up his room, take his bath, and then go to bed. Calvin prefers to play with his toys.  
  
Hobbes: Aren't you going to clean your room?  
  
Calvin: No.  
  
Hobbes: Why not?  
  
Calvin: Well why should I?  
  
Hobbes: Because you're mum told you to.  
  
Calvin: Oh, and I suppose I have to listen to my mum everyday now?  
  
Hobbes: Usually, that's the case.  
  
Calvin: Good point.  
  
Calvin continues to play with his toys. His mum realises this after a while and comes upstairs.  
  
Mum: Calvin, you haven't cleaned your room!  
  
Calvin: I know.  
  
Mum: Well do it?  
  
Calvin: Why?  
  
Mum: Because it's filthy  
  
Calvin: so, if I clean it up now it will just get messy again.  
  
Mum: (shouting) CLEAN IT UP NOW!  
  
Calvin: O.K, O.K, O.K but I can't promise you I'm going to take my bath.  
  
Mum: And why is that?  
  
Calvin: Because I'll just get dirty again.  
  
Mum: So, do as I tell you or you'll be grounded for life.  
  
Calvin: Yes mum, although I can't promise you I'll go to bed afterwards.  
  
Mum: Oh yes you will!  
  
Calvin: No, because I can't sleep when its so early in the day.  
  
Mum: Oh yes you will!  
  
Calvin: No, I don't think so.  
  
Mum: Oh yes you will!  
  
Calvin: Yes mum.  
  
She leaves the room.  
  
Calvin: Why does she have to be so grouchy?  
  
Hobbes: Its all part of parenthood its in the book.  
  
Calvin: What book?  
  
Hobbes: That's a secret.  
  
Calvin: Never mind then. I know my mum knew she was losing the argument.  
  
Hobbes: How do you figure that?  
  
Calvin: She had to resolve to her shouting and position over me to get me to do what she wanted.  
  
Hobbes: So uh, are you going to clean your room up now?  
  
Calvin: Nah  
  
Hobbes: It says in the book you would say that.  
  
Calvin: Ah the book, how thoughtful it must be. 


End file.
